In Celebration of the Birth of Plan B in the story of Slovenia's banking crisis
The National
Poet Of Slovenia In A Language People Understand presents...
WHY BANKING PLAN B IS NOT BANKING PLAN A:
AN HISTORIC ANALYSIS OF THEO-OLIGARCHIC ECONOMICS
In many lands a child's induction
Includes a Christian instruction
Where God unites every classmate
Against the kid who won't donate.
And in return for meagre wages
Facts, the wisdom of the ages -
All guaranteed correct by deity -
Will be bestowed upon the laity
From egg, nine months before first breath
To where you'll roost/roast in post-death -
Of Adam, Eve, and snakes that natter
And all the universe and matter.
In ancient times, I must add here,
We lacked more sensible ideas:
For priestly classes with some cunning
A magic trick brought peasants running.
Nativity needs no introduction:
Asexual's the best reproduction;
The priestly class will talk you through it
They're the experts - they don't do it.
From Roman times to Middle Ages
The people copying the pages
Gradually grew unreceptive
To well-known, ancient contraceptives.
Silphium, acacia, pennyroyal,
Went undiscussed by bishops loyal,
Uprooted: midwives' herbal folklore
Planted: rum religious bloke law;
Disease: that's pleasures of the flesh - a
Deluge: that's God, not air pressure.
All sufferings without, and bodily
Are God's smack-bum - cures anti-godly.
Educating girls got simple:
Shag the abbot - wear a wimple.
Concerning space, and where we're at
Augustine argued Earth was flat:
No progenies of A and E's
Could have sailed to some Antipodes.
States Cosmas Indicopleustes:
Parallelogram edged by four seas.
While Isidore of Seville
Reckoned Earth's shaped more like a wheel,
And Boniface became quite bilious
At the spheroidism of Vergilius.
Pre-Magellan, roundest Earth we're able
To visualise...is round like a table.
No sooner'd flat earth said goodbye
Than Galileo Galilei
Said "Hey, Sun's not in earth's orbit,"
The Inquisition made him storbbit.
What is this monkish habit? - It
Is getting things arse about tit.
And while we're studying these asses
The battles over hypostasis
Resulted in incineration
For foolish fans of impanation:
An issue splitting Sunday's calls
To different tribes of cannibals.
And do not think the schools they sat in
Made it easy. Only Latin
Scholars could acquire this "knowledge"
And all you got to eat was porridge...
With bankers, busy in church aisles,
The church exchanged warm, knowing smiles,
Financing fancy new sedilia
Excluding witches too familiar.
For a church that chased off Jews usurious
Its current situation's curious:
In Slovene lands did banking man
Receive the church's business plan:
"You know we'll cover all the debt -
Let us control the internet."
Banks dared not show no faith. And threat
of Hell transformed a lousy bet
To projections fantastical:
Profits ecclesiastical.
This financial imbroglio's
Based on a strange portfolio:
Immortal life, Anton Stres tests,
Repentant mafia bequests,
A business model even sillier
Than loans to promote pedophilia,
And flying folk - that talking snake,
Imagine making that mistake!
One tardy tactical embrace pontific:
Catholicism's scientific!
Where ranted superstitious clot
Its battles lost, quietly forgot.
Salvation via donation flickers
Prolonging guilt in ladies' knickers.
Whilst quiet now on geogony,
Pope's anti-pill, and johnny-free.
1515, Pope Leo X
Thought printing books was worse than sex
A little later Francois I
Decreed all publishers must die.
For making the first English bible
Tyndale was strangleburned by rival.
So education, NLB,
Owes what to Catholicity?
Control by people at the back
Of progress? Hey, that's pretty wack!
And that is why it's really funny
Your bank lent your church your school money!
Now cardinals in bad bank raiment
Hope for an atheist repayment.
The question, gospod Šušteršič*
Is why the sane should save the rich?
*Slovenian Finance
Minister 2012-2013